Stoicism and the Gap
That all-important interval between an event and your reaction.
One terrible evening, some years ago, I nearly wrecked my marriage.
This is what happened: I was already in a sour mood for reasons I can’t recall (indicating how important they were). My wife had rearranged some furniture in our bedroom without telling me. It was late evening. I walked in there unthinkingly and ran full tilt into something where, an hour before, there’d been nothing.
Later, she was working in the kitchen. The hot water spigot connecting to our washing machine had a problem. She was trying to fix it. She’s good with her hands (better than I am). Her chances of success were therefore above average.
Not this time!
She turned something the wrong way, a tube popped free, and water began pouring into our kitchen. I wasn’t there. I only heard her call for help, got off my computer again annoyed, and went down there.
I lost it. I was furious she’d tried this stunt without telling me first; look at the mess you’ve made; etc., etc. A few other unkind and uncalled-for things came out of my mouth as, in the moment, I forgot everything I’d supposedly learned from wise authors from Epictetus to Daniel Goleman.
