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How to Handle Disagreements Constructively
8 Principles
Years ago, when I was still in academia, a senior-level professor and I got into a disagreement via snail mail (this was the early 1990s), later by email. He began the exchange with a private response to a letter-to-the-editor I’d gotten published. Back in the day, I sent out quite a few of those. I’d guestimate that around three quarters of them were published.
I responded, standing my ground. He replied. One thing led to another, then to another. Fortunately the fellow wasn’t at my university. Because what ensued didn’t go well. I’ll spare you the details.
For some strange reason (maybe I’m just a packrat), I saved the correspondence in a single fat folder (maybe two inches thick!). I recently found myself thumbing through it, rereading some of his contributions and some of mine and considering what could have said and done better. Or at least differently — more constructively.
You see, the guy had gotten some things right; and I had some things wrong. I was too pigheaded to see it. These things happen. I’d like to think I’m a bit more knowledgeable and even a bit wiser now, but who knows? There are still a few things about which my opinions are pretty strong, and when that happens, there’s always the danger of overlooking something important.
